It's been a very long time since I have felt as sad as I feel today.

I have been reviewing documents about the Bush administrations, and I've come to the awful realization that what is happening now was foretold over a decade ago. I've railed against the current adminstration acting like a bully, only to be reminded that Powell stated in 1992 that he believed that it was our place to act like a bully. I've railed against growing unilateral actions, only to be reminded that Cheney and Rumsfeld and Wolfowitz all have openly called for American world domination. So it should be no surprise that we are where we are. And that's partly what saddens me -- they gave plenty of warning and the people I trusted to look out for these things failed miserably.

I always believed in the ideal of the American spirit. I grew up in privilege in Washington DC. Though my family wasn't political, I had plenty of friends whose families were. I raised my family in Washington, and though my occupation wasn't political, politics was everywhere. That is to say that I've got a pretty clear grasp of the mechanics of political realities. Still, deep down, I believed that the lion would lay down with the lamb. I believed that swords would be turned into ploughshares. I believed that we would, one day, attain the city on the hill and open our arms to our sisters and brothers in shared peace and prosperity. Yet I listen to Bush talk about the American way, and I no longer hear any of that. What I hear is dogma and greed and lust for more. And that's partly what saddens me -- that there seems no place left for ideals of the spirit.

My parents cared deeply about art and architecture and urban planning issues, and they sent me to some damned good schools. I have a strong appreciation for the marvels of the mind, and was taught that intellectual freedom is a cornerstone of democracy, personal liberty, and the American way. I was taught that the public domain was a wonderful thing; that flowering of culture depended on a free exchange of ideas and thoughts; and that the purpose of our government was to protect and defend these things. Now I look around, and all I see is our government containing ideas and thoughts and thinking, be it in response to the liberals of Hollywood or the conservative moguls of "the media". What I see is the building of an Oz, where nothing is as it seems. And that's partly what saddens me -- the fear of new ideas, the fear of the curtain being pulled aside, and the fear of letting go of old ideas.

As long as I can remember, I have had ultimate faith in the idea that, at the end of the day in America, the law ruled. Not the whim of the rich and powerful, not the weight of organized bullies, not machiavellian connivings, but the law. It hasn't always been, and it still isn't, but the faith remains. The law is important and is the bulwark against repression, suppression, and oppression. Against this faith, I look at the laws piled up in the recent couple of years which tear down the protections, shield the government, and begin to shut my mouth. And that's partly what saddens me -- it's all being done to protect us from ourselves.

But what really saddens me the most is that tonight, I believe that the world changes. It feels like tonight, America is no longer a republic. Tonight, America becomes imperial. It is indeed the new world order. Pax Americana.

I hope I'm wrong.